Monday, March 14, 2011

My Intention is Set

Happy Monday!

It's going to be a looong week. Lots of single-parenting, lots of catching up to do, no room for sickness or whining......we'll see about those last two.

To catch you up: Last Thursday was my monthly La Leche League meeting. I missed it because I had a sick kid and no car (Ben's car was in the shop and so he had mine...but I had a sick kid anyway, so it doesn't really matter). It got me to thinking....I had missed the previous month's meeting due to illness as well...and at that point, we'd already been sick for more than a that means, we've been sick for the better part of two months....yikes! Not continuously...and not the same person or the same illness...and we've had spots of brightness...but really....two months of can imagine what that's done to my house...and our diet. Last week, when I felt like I was at risk of bed sores on my back end from sitting in the recliner for most of four days, I had a sickie who would cry when I put her down to use the bathroom.....she was sooo not going to go for me putting her down for a few hours to make bread and amazing needless to say, we ate a lot of pbandj, pizza, salami sammies and the well as a lot worse. I kept thinking of Deann and Marlene and hanging my head in shame.

But we're snapping out of it! My sickie from last week still isn't 100% better (in fact, she's sitting on my lap coloring while I'm writing...but hey, at least we're not in the recliner!), but we're going to plow ahead. I have goals for the week, tasks for today and the forecast is for sunshine at least a few days this week :) Oh, and I set my intention!

I set my intention!

Did you hear that?! I set my intention!

Now all I have to do is remember that.

Will you help me? If you think about it...or any point that you're having trouble staying focused and getting done what you need to get done, will you say a prayer for me? Just that God (gently) nudge me back on track and remind me of my intention and my purpose. No acedia here this week!!!

With your help, and particularly God's help, I'll get this train back on track!!

Friday, March 11, 2011

The Love Between a Mother and a Son

So I'm (roughly) six weeks away from uncharted territory. According to (what seemed pretty clear to everyone in the room) my ultra sound at 20 weeks, we're going to give birth to a son sometime (God-willing) shortly after Easter.

First, and a bit of an aside, I must say that each year, Lent seems like this huge, formidable force separating me from spring, new life, and even in some ways, Christ himself. Of course I know that Christ never separates himself from me, and frankly, by the time Lent is finished, if I've given myself over to it, I'm closer to Christ than any other time of the year. Either way, when the week of Ash Wednesday arrives, I feel like I have a massive chasm in front of me.

This the same time...I feel as though meeting my baby is right around the corner! It's hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that there's an entire Lent between me and my son (God-willing). What an amazing gift of waiting and preparation I've been given in such a tangible way this time.

Ok, back to my original post idea.

I just read a post about Mary, the Mother of God, on a blog called Caritas et Veritas. It was so beautiful and the line "All of Christianity can be summed up as a love story between a mother and a son" was so touching to me.

What kind of mother will I be to this little man? You'd think, after two kids, that I'd already have some kind of idea about that one...and to an extent I do. I don't think, especially right at first, that things are going to be radically different. But, despite what some say, boys and girls are different...and to treat them as if they're not is a disservice to them....but to exaggerate things unnecessarily is a disservice as well.

What I think about a lot is the ways in which I will fail as a mother (hey, I'm a melancholic). Times when I will yell (do yell) rather than asking questions. Times when I will get frustrated in the middle of the night rather than just giving a hug and saying a prayer. Times when I will forget that this little man won't be little forever and that some day I'll be wishing to have my plans halted so I can play with him or rock him or listen to his story. I already feel those things now with my girls.....I wonder in what ways it will be different this time around.

In those times of failure, I pray that Mother Mary will tap me on the shoulder (or more likely on the heart) and show me how to love my son the way that she loved hers. God-willing, I'll never have to endure even a fraction of the heartache that she did upon the death of her Son, but who better than her to show me, no matter what suffering I do endure, how to wipe his tears, pray for him, comfort him, teach him, kiss away his pain for as long as that works, and most of all to love him.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, Pray for Us.