Thursday, February 28, 2008


One different decision and I wouldn't have M...or the puppies....or B

About Peed My Pants

Ok, I have to figure out how to use my (if I have to hear Randy Jackson say "dawg" or "dope" one more time, I may one really talks like that!!!) scanner. I was looking for a bag of floral tape (never found it grrrrr!) and sat and looked through several envelopes of ooooollllllllld pictures. Oh rediculous we all looked with our big bangs and even bigger eyeglasses. I have to get some of these things out there for the world to see! We were such babies...but thought we were sooo grown up.

Not my favorite time of life though...lots of meanness and insecurity. What would I have done differently? Dangerous road to walk different decision and I would have M...or my puppies...or B.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

I can't even imagine...

So I just got word tonight that a second friend in about as many weeks lost their baby. She was about 20-something weeks preggers and they had a suspicious ultra sound. Long story short (because as soon as I found out the baby had died, I started crying and didn't really hear the rest) sounds like the Drs said that the best way to save the baby was to induce my friend. I don't know all the details...all I know is my friend went through labor and her baby girl was not alive when she was born. It tears at my insides to think about it now. I can't even imagine. Labor sucks...there's no way around it. Even if you have the presence of mind to offer it up and unite your sufferings with's still suffering. But it's all worth it when you hold your baby. Every push, every tear, every scream, every pain is worth it. But to go through all of that and not have a living, breathing new life in your arms. It just makes me sick. And I don't know what to say. And I don't want to take my baby over there because of how it may make her feel. But I don't want to NOT take her over there because that would be TOTALLY obvious.

We may never get to have another baby. Who knows? Only God. But I do know that my M is more than a miracle. A million (or more) miracles have to happen in JUST the right time, place and order for a baby to be born. And to have had one on our first shot who was (is) perfect...and nurses beautifully...and really does sleep well...and is smart and healthy and happy. It almost doesn't seem fair to my friends who are hurting...who have rallied their family around to morn the death of their daughter who hardly even got to start her life. I hope they know she's a prayer warrior for them now. I wonder if they named her. Is that to horrible of a question to ask? What if they didn't? What if they don't want to? I can't even imagine.

It makes me want to go and wake up my baby just to hug and kiss her and tell her that I love her! It makes the things she does that make me mad seem less aggravating. It makes me love God and want to be angry with Him all at the same time. I was rooting for them. I was excited for our babies (both being girls...we find out now) to be playmates as they got older. I was looking forward to watching the baby when Mom went back to work. I had plans for this little girl....and she wasn't even my daughter. I can't even imagine.

Where to Begin

Wow. So I know I haven't written in a while. Today is February 26th....a month since M's first birthday a few more days she'll be 13 months old! Things are crazy around here! She's been walking for real for about a month and a half now...out of control! The squeaky shoes really help (Thank You Fella Bella Shoppe!). It's better than a cow bell, right? Especially since her big thing these days is closing doors. So I'll hear her go down the hall and then a moment later, I'll hear our bedroom door close. It's a fun game...but the puppies hate it because they get kicked out of the room so I can close the door. Right now their bed is in the hallway.

So I heard about something a while back that I wasn't sure would be good for us, but I tried it and it was fantastic! You'll see, in a few of the pictures I sent (if you didn't see the Shutterfly pictures and would like to, just let me know and I'll shoot them right out to you!), M eating out of an ice cube tray. Total genius idea (that I didn't think of)! I put all kinds of finger foods in it (cheerios, broccoli, black beans, shredded cheese, chicken, peas, etc) and she munches while she plays. I was finding that she was getting bored in her high chair before she was finished eating! And honestly, with only a few slip-ups, the dogs have really left it alone (as long as I was in the room...if I left the room, all bets are off....I mean, they ARE puppies!)

My cutiest baby in the world is also into primping these days...she'll use a comb, brush, fingers, whatever, to brush her hair...and brush the puppies' hair. Speaking of puppies, watching M "love" the puppies is the cutest thing ever! She pats them and then lays her head down on their belly or back or head or whatever!

Things around here are pretty normal these days...doing the Southern Living thing...B still working and applying for graduation....THAT'S RIGHT! I SAID APPLYING FOR GRADUATION! I'm so excited and I can hardly stand it!!!! As of right now, it looks like he's going to graduate FOR REAL in August and "walk" this May! I can't believe it!! Did I mention that we're excited. He's worked so hard for so long and not only is the end in's actually on the calendar!